Punctuation overkill

There are exactly four performances of Edges left!  We are out of extensions!  All items must go!

So seriously, why haven’t you seen Edges yet?  More importantly, why have you only seen Edges once?  Aren’t you curious about the surprise twist ending?  The final four shows feature a special vote-your-own finale!  The audience gets to choose who performs the big tap dance in the final scene (please vote for Sara – it’ll be funny)!  If you bring a group of 10 or more, Jordan will give you a lap dance!  All repeat customers get free valet parking courtesy of Gabi Epstein!

That’s the most exclamation points I’ve ever used in one sitting.  I’m exhausted.  I’m just not that demonstrative a guy.  But seriously.  The only way I could more accurately portray the urgency of the situation would be if I was TALKING IN CAPS LOCK THE ENTIRE TIME!!!!

But hey, don’t just take it from me.  Let’s hear what some Toronto artists have to say about Edges…

“These four performers are the most talented people in the history of anything edgy.  Fuck you smooth curves, it’s Edges forever.”
         – Jeff Moulton
“Edges is my new religion.  Except for Christianity.”
         – Kyle Blair
“A perfect infinite symbiosis of ‘Holy Crap!’ and ‘Hot Damn!’  Truly an orgasm of sound.”
         – Caden Douglas & Mike Lomenda in unison
“I swear to God, Gabi, if you touch me there again, I’m calling Equity.”
         – Jordan Bell

You are almost out of chances.  If you miss it, you will hate yourself forever and incur thousands of dollars in therapy bills.  Trust me.  I can see the future.

EDGES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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